Mr. Lovah-Lovah
Wednesday, February 7, 2007 at 1:44PM 
Alright so we’re a week out…Valentine’s Day is coming up fast, and while you might know exactly what you’re doing to make the day memorable for your fella, he probably hasn’t even thought about it yet. So, in an effort to help everyone out, I offer a few tips for those unsuspecting, but-trying-so-hard boyfriends & husbands out in P&C land, from the girl’s perspective…send them my way for good advice - trust me on this, it will work!
Just to make sure we’re all on the same page, let’s take a look at what “the world” tells us Valentine’s Day should be: dinner in a fancy French restaurant, followed by rose petals on the bed, candlelight, a velvet box of bling, chilled champers, chocolates stuffed into an oversized satin-heart, and Barry White on the hi-fi. Sounds about right? Ahem – back to reality tough guy…right quick. This is the Valentine’s fantasy that Hallmark, Godiva, 1-800-Flowers, and DeBeers want you to aspire to, when in fact the essence of the holiday is truly much simpler and romantic.
The real tradition of Valentine’s Day involves courtly love, letters, and anonymous romantic gifts. You know, like sending a secret candy-gram in school. This anonymity comes from the legend of St. Valentine, who secretly arranged marriages for Roman soldiers during the reign of Claudius II, who had banned such attachments. While receiving an anonymous Valentine today might make one run and file a restraining order, there is something to be said for playing it low-key.
After all, Valentine’s Day is as much reviled as it is adored - probably because it is a silly idea: one single day to tell someone how much you care? C’mon… What are you supposed to do the other 364 days? What are single people supposed to do, feel unloved, dash out and find a date? I recommend what Meg at Faking Good Breeding suggested: get together with friends (single & coupled-up) and have a nice time. (My group of friends - friends both in and out of relationships - is meeting at Nick’s Crispy Tacos on Polk Street for a few rounds of Coronas, chips, guac, and “crispy carne asada Nick’s way”. You gotta have ‘em Nick’s way…there’s nothing like romancing a Nick’s Crispy Taco.)
So, let’s debunk some more Valentine’s “traditions” and get you set up with some better ideas. What do I mean by “traditions”? The things that commercial America is telling you to go out and buy to make your Valentine’s Day successful – I guarantee you, you’ll be more of a hero if you keep it simple, original, and dare I say “heartfelt”?
Overall it comes down to three things: know what she likes, make it your own, and make her laugh.
You may think you know what your girlfriend likes, but do you really? A few years ago, I had a boyfriend who gave me a most unfortunate gift. When I opened it I successfully hid my puzzlement like any good girlfriend, especially when he said: “If anyone knows you, they know you like those…”
Hunh. Okay. I blame myself really, but he could have asked, or paid better attention. Ask yourself: Where does she shop? What does she wear? What is something she’d never buy for herself? It could be as simple as knowing her favorite color. If you don’t know that pal, this is going to be tough. Girls like things that last, things they can use, things that are comfortable…things that are beautiful. It’s all very simple really.
You are an original and so is your relationship. Shouldn’t your Valentine be just as original? This is what I mean by “make it your own.” What’s one of your little in-jokes? What’s one of those couple-y things you do only in private (because your friends would puke if you did it in front of them)? Figure it out and let that inspire you. It is true, it’s the thought that counts, and some of the sweetest things guys have ever done for me were of the homemade variety. Coupons are really fun - you can make them up and the skies the limit. However where coupons are cute and thoughtful, a gift certifcate says "I really didn't think about what to get you at all..."
Make your lady laugh! Women love it when men make fools of themselves over them – so if it isn’t asking too much, let’s have some laughter. That Valentine’s fantasy I mentioned before…it’s just all so serious – it really shouldn’t be that way. But there’s always a balance: be the guy wearing the heart-patterned boxers, don’t be the guy dressed up as Cupid. Buy the funny card, not the card with the cheesy poem in red foil-embossed script. Laughter takes the pressure off of the whole situation, but be tasteful; you don’t want your lady laughing you out of the room.
These three rules are what you should keep in mind as you put together your Valentine. With these in mind, we look to “tradition”… I say “Valentine’s Day” and you think: silly Valentine stuffed animals, lingerie, chocolate, and red roses. Of course there is also the fancy dinner or the jewelry or the “wisking away to a tropical isle” which are all very nice, but those are just a matter of expenditure – if you can pay for it, you can make it happen. I want to get after the capital-V traditional “Valentines” ideas that everyone thinks are necessary…
Okay, first of all, the stuffed animals have got to go. Why would she want a Beanie Baby when she has you? Stuffed animals should not be given to any woman over the age of…twelve? Let’s just keep that in mind. Second, lingerie. Men may think they know how to buy lingerie for a woman, but this goes back to the “know what she likes” rule. Think of Working Girl:
“You know Mick, for once I wish you’d give me a sweater or some earrings…you know, something I can wear out of the house?”
You might think she wants a frilly red lace baby-doll nightgown, but chances are that really isn’t in her vocabulary. You may not know this, but, lingerie isn’t always too comfortable. The good stuff is, but where Europeans know where to find and buy really nice lingerie, it really hasn't yet crossed the pond. Where crap-lingerie is itchy and ill-fitting, the good stuff is so beautifully made you don't even know you're wearing it. Example: Victoria’s Secret is strictly forbidden. It’s crap, and no self-respecting woman wants to wear it. There is plenty of trashy lingerie in the world that is actually well-made though, try La Perla or Agent Provocateur, if you can afford it. Women are also pretty modest, so if you buy your lady something skimpy it’s probably going to make her feel uncomfortable. Go for a slip, or nice pajamas or something. Or, if you’re really wanting to spoil her, go to Frette and get a cashmere robe – who could resist that? If you can’t afford Frette or La Perla, try your neighborhood Anthropologie store, or even Gap Body. Buy her something comfortable and cute – she’ll love it and she’ll even wear it when it isn’t Valentine’s Day. Isn’t that really what you’re after? The funny thing about girls and lingerie though? We like to surprise you - so she may have picked out something to wear for the occasion already... Just put that in your back pocket.
Now, on to chocolate. As with most food-related gifts I would tread very carefully. Most everyone loves chocolate, but if your girlfriend has been watching her diet, she might throw the box of goodies at your head if that’s what you bring her. It all goes back to knowing who you’re buying for…if she’s been conscientious about her food, how very insensitive you’d be if you brought her a bunch of fat pills dressed up in a red satin box. But it is a special occasion, so maybe pick up a small chocolate desert at your local Whole Foods or something. Chocolate mousse after grilled chicken and wild rice? I think that’s an appropriate compromise for everyone. Better yet – buy one and share it...
Oh jeeze the roses. I like roses just as much as the next girl, but how overwhelmingly boring it is to come to work on Valentine’s Day and see everyone’s bouquets of red roses lined up like soldiers! Roses also hit the trash after about ten days, so why not go for something more lasting like an orchid? A lovely Phalaenopsis will cost the same as the rose bouquet, will last for months, and every time she sees it, she’ll think of you. Be sure to send flowers to her work if you can – every girl loves the compliments from the coworkers on what a wonderful, romantic, sexy fella she has…and you’ll be greatly rewarded at the end of the day.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t go the traditional way with the traditional gifts, especially if that's what you and your lady-love enjoy– of course that’s fine! If you do want to go this way, I suggest RedEnvelope.com or eLuxury.com – both have a tremendous selection of Valentines gifts put together. If you want to do something a little different, more original, and completely memorable, then I suggest getting as far away from tradition as possible. The main thing is, ignore the fantasy and stick to reality - it's pretty darn great, and will probably make for a great Valentine's Day.
Reader Comments (1)
I appreciate your wit and love your style!
Joy