Dear Mister Man

I wish I could say it was a pleasure meeting you today, but the timing could have been better - I was in a difficult spot. Mile 33 of a bike ride is never easy - you're tired, the legs are spent, you feel like giving up. When you and I met, I was on that arduous uphill climb that leads back to the Golden Gate Bridge from Sausalito. It's always a bit of a bear, but between today's headwind and my asthma acting up, it was particularly daunting.

Then I encountered you. Remember? You coming out of nowhere on a blind turn, me grinding uphill in a 2-foot wide bike lane between a rocky cliff face and a busy roadway...you were going one way, I was going the other. It was a fleeting second between the moment I saw you barreling down on me, and the moment you body-checked me off of my bike and into the brambles. I remember your face looked rather...constipated? I'm not sure what goes on inside a person that manifests that kind of face, and I'm glad I don't know.

I'm glad that you took the extra breath to gruffly correct me with: "you're supposed to go to the outside..." before running off down the hill, without apologizing or taking a moment to ascertain that I was okay. A bit of a jackass maneuver, yet I realized that you demonstrated the kind of composure in awkward moments that I need to work on. Personally, I was scared out of my mind, what with trying not to fall in front of that speeding tour bus and everything. But I'm sure that being momentarily conscientious to someone you've knocked over would not only have ruined your run pace, but it would also have interrupted that kick-ass Tony Robbins pod cast you had on.

My mother always told me that I should never judge other people's shitty behavior, bad manners, and rudeness, because "you never know what's going on at home." I tried to think about this as I wiped away my tears of fright and pressed onward up the hill. Perhaps you have other things on your mind than being kind to strangers. Maybe that's what the scrunch-face was about: concern over something else in your life. Did your boss overlook you for a fourth in golf? Did you bounce a check at BevMo? Does your 5-series need washer fluid? Did you forget to pick up your Cialis prescription again? Oh well. You really shouldn't worry - after all, it's not like your girlfriend has had a real orgasm in three years...at least not with you. But you couldn't possibly know about that, so it shouldn't be bothering you. So what is it? Gas? A stale Power Bar? Halitosis? I cannot imagine.

I'm glad that I was at least able to improve your day by letting you feel like a tough guy for a moment or two. I'm also glad that you're continuing on your quest to instruct ALL of the cyclists on Marin County on proper "share the road" etiquette. A lesser man would have grown disillusioned long ago. But not you, and you're so right.

Personal preference of course, but it is somewhat disappointing to find out that such a winner of a guy is lacking the gentleman gene. But that's just me.