The Bad and the Ugly

Here I must pause before I get to my ultimate favorites for Fall 2007. After all, one has to take the bad with the good! 

We've all heard the generalization of "fashion is a dream"... Yes, it's true. In fact, most of us fashionistas began this way. We all fall in love with the glamour, luxury, design, beauty and excitement of the fashion world, and when in this haze of love we'll forgive just about anything. However, being an old fashion jade, I'm going to have to start calling out when designers' runway offerings stumble. Okay, more than stumble - they fall ass-over-teakettle into a crowd of papparazzi with a deafening crash. All of a sudden the dream becomes a nightmare (just to complete the cliche...) There is indeed a certain schadenfreude about the whole thing; one thinks: "Hee! Even I knew better than to make that outfit..." And while we may snigger from behind our copies of WWD, it is a bit sad to see our favorite designers make big mistakes.

Chado Ralph RucciDarling Ralph, I loved your fall collection almost in toto, with this one exception...didn't you at least warn your models to stay away from the hot dog cart before the show? Apparently not, after all this one went to town with the spicy mustard. Don't worry - a little soda water will get that right out! 

Chanel
Christian DiorI'm sorry, did I miss a press release somewhere? I'm sure it was announced that Austin Powers is now designing for Chanel...wasn't it? Please tell me it was, then this might be accounted for. Oh! And how about the "bed jackets are the new chic" as seen at Dior? I'm convinced that John Galliano raided my great-aunt's bottom drawer to find this one...

Viktor & RolfViktor...oh, wait I mean Rolf...wait, which one are you? Never mind. Just take some advice from Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford: "No. Wire. Hangers. EVER!!!!!!" Especially not when being used to drape this incredibly tragic - is it a dress? Sorry, I was distracted: if it weren't for the ruffles, bishop sleeves, and depressing collar, that plaid might actually work. Or, if it weren't for the plaid, the ruffles, bishop sleeves, and depressing collar might do better. In any case, your high concept has fallen horribly flat and droopy. And nobody likes droopy.

Christopher Kane
Collette DinniganSigh. Why does Christopher Kane think we want to look like waitresses at a Bavarian beer hall during Oktoberfest? I swear I hear an ooom-pah band playing. But at least that may cheer up her neighbor from Collette Dinnigan: I suppose if I were wearing this over-wrought knit number I'd look like I was dying of typhoid fever too.  

DSquared2
Dolce & Gabbana Apparently DSquared2 is now dressing the Pussycat Dolls - at least they would be if the Pussycat Dolls were slated to appear in a new Mad Max film.

Meanwhile, at Dolce & Gabbana char-roasted marshmallows are all the rage.

Betsey JohnsonBetsey...you break my heart! I used to buy so many of your fabulous dresses, but now that you've handed things over to your daughter the sizing's changed and everything seems chintzy overall. But that's another issue entirely...we'll talk sometime. Let's first hear some thoughts on this dress. You're striking a note between serape and circus stripe here - interesting choice. I must say, you've really presented a reason for wearing sunglasses runway-side. I'm squinting! You're a brave woman. Truly, there is nothing like loud horizontal stripes and a big poofy skirt to make women want to run away screaming.

Myself
Roksanda Ilincic
Toni MaticevskiA new theme this season: "sea life personified." Afterall, who doesn't want to walk around at a formal event looking like a sea anemone (at Myself) or perhaps a huge wodge of clam meat (at Roksanda Ilincic)?

Of course, then there's also the gigantic gastropod look - and I thought that banana slugs were native to the coastal forests of Northern California! Yet, here they are on the runway at Toni Maticevski.


Rick Owens
Gareth PughWho knew that Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal was such a fashion touchstone? Apparently Rick Owens did...why else would one chose to send something that looks like death warmed over down their runway? Also in the death department, we have Gareth Pugh who multi-tasked a shower curtain to exemplify the chic-est mode of suffocation this side of an episode of "CSI".

These two looks are going straight to the morgue. 

Emilio Pucci
Sonia RykielAnd in the knit monstrosity department we have a tie between Emilio Pucci and Sonia Rykiel. Again, two collections I absolutely adored for the most part, but these are just ridiculous. My whole soul aches for the dextrous fingers of the little old ladies who were trapped in a locked room somewhere in Europe just knitting and knitting and knitting. Darlings - we're here to help! Believe me, no one's going to buy these outfits, so you won't ever have to make them again! So, just put down the knitting needles and walk away. Seriously.

Giambattista Valli"Hello? Is there anyone out there? It's me, Veronika...the runway model? Yes, this is a crewl joke to my simple Eastern European heart - the stylist at Giambattista Valli insisted on putting me in this dress. I told her that it looks like the lint from the dryer that my poor mother would gather at the local laundromat and spin into yarn to knit hats for me and my eight siblings, but she didn't listen. Now I'm trapped in here inside this piece of lint which I now see is more like an alien pod from outer space. Oh! How sad I am. Will you please help me? Set me free...I'm begging you."

Vivienne WestwoodWhat roundup of runway messes would be complete without mention of a little Vivienne Westwood? Don't get me wrong, I respect old Viv - I think she's fabulous overall and I loved meeting her a few months ago when she came to San Francisco, but I really must question her choices. Doesn't she know that crap like this makes everyone think she's the Emperor's Tailor? It's fashion, not "a little a this, a little a that - throw it at a dress form and see what comes out."

I suppose with this look, as with all of these, genius is truly in the eye of the beholder.

Comments

[Brigitte]

Great post!