eHarmony = Fingernails + Blackboard
Wednesday, May 14, 2008 at 9:22PM 
Not being one of those modern folks with TiVo or DVR, I have to endure television commercials the old-fashioned way. I don't usually mind this - advertising is a tough industry these days so the spots are becoming more clever and entertaining. But there is one set of ads that will make me reach for the remote faster than anything. If I never have to see another eHarmony commerical it will be only too wonderful.
The one couple I've ever met who found each other on eHarmony were quite possibly the least interesting and most annoying pair imaginable. I couldn't put my finger on it, but their whole togetherness was just weird - contrived, forced, cute, and grating. Hmmm - just like the commercial.
I tell you, the moment I hear the tell-tale strains of the "This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)" theme, the pins and needles start to prickle up the sides of my neck and I feel like having a seizure.
Who are these well-scrubbed, excessively-homogenized, hand-holding, falsely-chipper, starry-eyed Stepford people? Does eHarmony seriously think that by presenting these "ideal" couples their service becomes more appealing? It makes me want to burn the house down.
I get that these folks are the types eHarmony wants to attract, and obviously those very people seem to be signing up for the service, so something must be working. That being said, the reason I won't sign up (apart from the fact that I fundamentally refuse to do any sort of online dating anything ever again,) is because there isn't anyone on these commericals that I find compelling or exciting enough to even think about falling in love with them.
I understand that there's a whole Christianity platform behind eHarmony and what-not, but I'm not here to get into their politics and religion; I just want to say that their advertising is annoying as hell. I'm not the only one, it seems. I found this path on Yahoo from a while ago that agrees with me...
The whole situation is so contrived, pasteurized even, right down to the collared shirts and bright white background. Where is the mystery, the intrigue, the passion? Oh, right. I gave all of that up for "compatibility." Since when does compatibility equate to happiness? What about "opposites attract", yin and yang, Capulet and Montague? What the heck do "29 Dimensions" have to do with anything?
It all boils down to the sex. If you can't imagine having sex with someone, you really can't expect to fall in love with them or even date them for a period of time. The eHarmony ads make the gesture of sex with all the lovey touching and cuddles, but instead of all that generating the stomach flip of desire and the "that could be me" sensation sought by the segment, it just generates a rancid repulsion. Where is the sex? Apparently when you find compatibility it's not such a priority. No, I don't think anyone on the eHarmony commercials have taken their clothes off and learned what was what and who was really compatible with whom.
I don't know a lot about true love, but I do believe it's out there. Maybe I'm stepping over the line here but I think that those that have found "true love" on eHarmony are the very lucky few. Anything worth having is worth working for - it's the twists and turns in the journey that make it so exciting and worthwhile! Finding a "match" based on a checklist of preferences and a computer logarithm does not a romance make...at least not a very interesting one.
Reader Comments (20)
THANK YOUUUUUUUUUU for this POST!
I can't find the words to describe my visceral anger and HATE for eH. I, too, cringe at the strains of a Natale Cole song I USED to love. I have to turn it before I throw something at the tv. Lee and Whatserface? COULD NOT CARE LESS! Get off my tv.
Not only that but eH cannot convince me that their couples are real. Not since I met someone whose sister had been cast in a commercial. Fake fake fakity fake fake.
I tried eH. Twice. Yeah. I paid both times. I'm a sucker. Both times, there was no one within even the STATE that I was compatible with... oh wait I take that back there WAS a 51 yr old man who pursued me even after I closed communication. Oh but wait! When my subscription ran out, suddenly my inbox was FULL o people eH wanted me to meet! All these men wanted to open communication with me! So I re-upped... and nothing. Every single one would fall off the radar-- either they were fake members, or non paying members. Either way, it did me no good.
In summation- HATE. That's all I have for eHarmony!
BTW, I got rejected when I applied for eH. I'm pretty sure I didn't answer their numerous "spirituality" questions quite correctly.
Glad to hear others are as sick of these commercials as I am.
Thanks so much everyone for visiting and validating! I had to say something after so many months (years?) of being bombarded by those white-washed commercials. Happy to know the eH-hate is going strong!!!
However, be careful how you cast your stones. You yourself just passed judgment on me and my "useless website." This site happens to be a project of mine that has furthered my career and creativity, but since you're just passing through, you probably don't realize that since you know nothing about it nor me.
I suppose it's convenient to say things anonymously... "Pat" - is that Patricia or Patrick? Who are you again? Oh right, anonymous judge spending time uselessly on the internet. It was your choice to come here and read the post, I'm the one who wrote it.
So much for useless, you just added site traffic!
Upon closer reading I'm sure you'll agree!
Online dating is just one stop away from bittersville. I must confess, I signed up for eharmony about 3 years ago and found they matched me up with a barrage of TNT guys who I already knew. Embarrassing.
Oh, and the "let's face it, they are both in love" comment from Pat is hysterical. Uh, Pat, it's a commerical. They're not real people.
Now that's a defense if I ever heard one!
I'm sorry, can someone point out where my post was "nasty" where it concerns the people in them? Again, this post was not about the two people in the ad, merely the non-believable nature of the eHarmony ads in general, and their dumbed-down, oh-so-perfect, white-washed messaging.
Let's stick to the central topic!
Um, K, is that why you're going to every message board on the internet to yell at people for hating the Lee and Ann Marie commercial? These people are being much nicer than other boards.
Mostly because people are missing the point, also because someone said this topic was "old" - did you see that this was written in May?. But the last straw was when someone called it a "message board." This is not a message board, it's a blog - a good blog, and writing about eHarmony isn't my main focus, just something I wrote about once.
I have zero interest in getting into a pissing match about who the people are on the ads, nor do I care what type of people (good, bad, or indifferent,) they are in "real" life.
Thanks for stopping in everyone, and if you actually have legitimate interest in culture, fashion, branding and trends, then please stay. For those that think this is a place to get your panties in a twitch about one person's well-placed opinion, then here's your hat...