A Brief Case

In which I rant about the pressures of status...

"Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,
I will be brief."

- Polonius
Hamlet, Act II, scene 2

These days it seems that I live for brevity. Our modern society demands it, espcially if you are in any way involved in social-networking or new media. I am constantly trying to form some cute, awesome phrase in 140 characters or less. After all, how else would any of my friends and colleagues know what’s going on with me?

I have “status update fever” – Facebook, Twitter, GoogleTalk – all of them want me to say something short, sweet, catchy, and to the point. Sadly, I don’t think a simple “fuck off” will be received well, although that is really what’s on my mind sometimes. My head is dizzy with all of the creative combinations of little nothings to say. I’m tormented by that muted gray box asking me “What are you doing right now?” Which then makes me think I have to not only be doing something always, but also be broadcasting my activities at all times.

When out running or in spin class, I’m thinking: “Annie Wilson is…on a run, realizing she may regret going all the way to the bridge,” or, “Annie Wilson is…at spin class remembering that the Tuesday instructor plays better music.” Leaving the house its: “Annie Wilson is heading out on tonight, hoping the wait isn’t too long at SPQR.” Or, “Annie Wilson is in the 10^th row above first base, watching Tim Lincecum kick ass.” Or, “Annie Wilson thinks that crazy guy on the bus is someone she knew in high school…and maybe even dated.”

I swear they just pop into my brain like a bad 80s muzak tune, and they won’t stop either. Why? Because all of my social networking sites have brainwashed me into thinking that this kind of moment-by-moment updating is necessary in life. Not only that, but being literary and verbal, I pressure myself into being cuter, funnier, smarter, and shorter in my status updates than most. Ugh! I don’t even know why I care. Wait – yes I do, I care because I think you care. I want to prove that I’m doing something more fun, more exciting, more interesting and with better people than all of you, so you’ll feel inadequate by comparison. Nice, hunh?

Who was the fool who invented status updates anyways? I’ll bet it was someone who led a very uninteresting life who came up with the device to remind others that they were still alive and relevant. You know, like a Uni-bomber type – freaky, out in the woods, and only connected to the world via modem. So, by extension, status updating is stating one’s own relevance in the new media frenzy of anonymity. True, there are people who without their status updates I’d have no idea what’’s going on in their lives, but that’s kind of the natural order of friendships shifting through our lives like the usual plate tectonics.

It’s interesting that status updates are all about being brief and witty. The famous line that Polonius says above “brevity is the soul of wit,” is always so ironic because Polonius is one talkative guy. Within the context of this line he keeps talking and getting into his rhetorical “flourishes.” Even Freud referred to him as “the old chatterbox.” He did say some good things like “To thine own self be true,” but overall he isn’t even funny. Ironic then that his line is now a proverb about keeping things brief.

I wonder what Noam Chomsky thinks about all of this manipulation of language and communication. What about all of the abbreviated lettering in text messages? I’m telling you it was only a few months ago that I learned what LOL means. All this time I had no idea people were laughing at me. There may be some utility to text messaging and Facebook wall posts, but status updates? Why not just pick up the phone and talk to someone like a human being? Invite them for a drink, or better yet, have them over for dinner? You know, catch up the old fashioned way?

I suppose I’m trying to apologize for inflicting my status on the world when I know you all have much better things to worry about than lil’ ol’ me. Especially when I really don’t have too much that’s worthy of an update. Nothing, most of the time. But, to quote the great Paul Newman as Cool Hand Luke: “Sometimes nothing’s a real cool hand.”